Ep56: I Missed A Flight Because My Brain Went On Lunch Break | Pam Dwyer

We break the myth of the clean slate and show how quiet depletion drains motivation, clarity, and joy. Through a real-life travel fiasco, we teach soft restarts, minimum baselines, and the next-right-choice script to replace shame-driven resets with steady, humane progress.

• why new year energy fades when you carry last year’s stress
• how quiet depletion hides as busyness, comparison and “I’m fine”
• why “starting over” exhausts your brain and identity
• the missed flight story and the science behind lower brain chatter
• the soft restart: pause, breathe, choose the next right step
• minimum baselines for food, movement and sleep on low-capacity days
• the next-right-choice script to stop spirals and binges
• shifting to quarterly goals for faster wins and pivots
• comparison boundaries that conserve emotional energy
• the seven-day no-restart challenge with simple daily actions

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Storytelling that transforms. Healing that lasts.
From bestselling author Pam Dwyer (PJ Hamilton).
Books + speaking: PamDwyer.com

Chapters

• 0:00 New Year Pressure And Tired Brains
• 1:55 Quiet Depletion Defined
• 5:15 The Trap Of Starting Over
• 6:58 The Family Move And Mental Load
• 9:05 Missing The Flight And Why It Happened
• 11:05 Lower Brain Chatter Vs CEO Brain
• 13:05 The Soft Restart In Practice

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hey friends, welcome back to the Delay the Binge podcast, where we talk about the small shifts, the quiet pauses, and the moments of truth that help you break old patterns and finally feel like yourself again. Today's episode is for you if you walked into the new year with goals. And by week three, you were already like. Okay, why do I feel behind already? And why do I feel so tired? And why does everyone else look like they've got their life together already? Today we're talking about quiet depletion, new year pressure, and how to stop the cycle starting over without shame. And I'm going to tell you a story. Yes, me. Imagine that. Telling you a story from my real life this week. And it proves that this is just not a theory. Because I fully, fully lost my CEO brain for a moment. And it cost me a flight. Yes, a whole flight. So let's start here. New Year goals are exciting, but here's what nobody says out loud. You're not starting the year on a clean slate. You're walking into the new year carrying last year's stress, um, last year's grief, last year's unmet goals, and last year's exhaustion and last year's financial pressure. Oh, and last year's relationship tension. So last year's relationship tension and last year's I should be further by now. So you're setting goals with a nervous system that's already tired. That's why new year motivation can feel draining. Weirdly draining. Because you're trying to sprint with an empty tank. And that brings us to something I talk about a lot. Quiet depletion. Quiet depletion doesn't always look like burnout. Sometimes it looks like showing up while you're already empty. Doing what you should do while feeling disconnected, being tired in ways rest just doesn't fix. Being productive, but not present, being fine but not okay. And here's a sneaky one that's hitting people hard right now. Watching everybody else succeed. You're scrolling and thinking, gosh, I'm so happy for you. But then the quiet depletion voice whispers, Why am I not doing that? What's wrong with me? Why can't I get it together like they can? This is comparison wearing a cute little outfit. And it drains your energy faster than you even realize. So what do we do when we're depleted and discouraged? Most people do this. They declare dramatically, they say, Okay, I'm starting over on Monday. And it sounds pretty powerful until Monday comes and you don't feel powerful. Because starting over is exhausting. Starting over tells your brain, okay, you failed, reset from zero. You're not at zero. You're just tired. You don't need a fresh start, and you don't need a let's call it a soft restart, a return to yourself, a calm adjustment. A next right choice. And let me tell you exactly how I learned that this week. So my daughter is moving to another state for a brand new job. We're also excited for her, and she is too. She's very excited. But it's exciting, yet it's emotional and it's exhausting all at the same time. And we did the big move in an 18-hour drive, hauling a trailer, packed into a truck with my daughter, my son, my husband, and me, mom. Now let me just say this. It's been a long time since it was just the four of us on a road trip. And as adults, let's just say we were all trying to be the boss. And a few disagreements occurred. And by disagreements I mean everybody had a plan, everybody was right, and everybody had opinions about how everybody else was driving. If anyone tells you helping adult children is easier, that is so way wrong. It's just different. Because now you're not parenting, you're negotiating with fully formed adults. So we arrive, we unload, we organize, and we're setting up an apartment, buying groceries, hooking up utilities, and my brain is juggling a thousand things. And then I remembered something. I had a big, important speaking event back home. I mean it wasn't that big, but it was important. The kind you don't just casually miss. And I had that moment where your lower brain chatter goes, oh no. So I made a decision. I bought a plane ticket and flew home, leaving my husband and son to drive the truck back. Now here's the emotional part. Leaving my daughter was hard. She didn't have her car yet. It was being delivered a few days later. So she had no transportation, and my lower brain chatter had opinions. It was loud. Good moms don't leave. You should stay. You can fix this. You're abandoning her at her biggest time of need. But the CEO part of my brain, the calm, clear, wise part, was whispering You can love her and honor your commitment. She is capable. I mean she's a thirty-year-old woman after all. This is temporary, and it's a season. So I did it. I hugged her, I cried, I left, and then I missed my flight. Gosh. Because Eastern Time doesn't agree with central time on my Apple Watch. I walked into the airport competent, like, I'm crushing life, I am early, I have time. And I arrived at the gate just in time to see my plane backing out, leaving without me. I watched it like no, no, no. It was one of those moments where you're mad, embarrassed, and shocked all at the same time. And right there, that was my quiet depletion showing up. Not as sadness or mental fog or rushing, as I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, while my CEO brain is fully offline. So let's talk about what happened in that moment. Because this is the key to the whole episode. When you're depleted, your brain defaults to the lower brain chatter. That part of you that wants comfort right now, certainty right now, and relief right now. And control and escape. That lower brain chatter is not evil. It's protective. But it's not wise. The frontal part of your brain, the CEO will r I like to fondly refer to it as, is your frontal cortex, your common sense. That part goes offline when you're stressed, rushed, or depleted. So what did my lower brain want to do when I missed the flight? Oh, it had a list. Shame, spiral, self-attack. What is wrong with me? How could you be so stupid? Emotional eating, over control, panic, but instead I used a soft restart. Okay? I reboot. I paused. I breathed, and I ask, what's the next right choice here? Not the perfect choice, not the dramatic choice, but the next right one. That question brings your CEO brain back online. That pause is critical. And I did what adults do. I adjusted. I bought another ticket, reworked the plan, handled it with no shame, and no starting over. Just a pivot. A little one. That's the soft restart. Now let's turn this into something you can use this week, okay? Because you might not be missing flights, but you might be missing your own rhythm. So here are some tools. Number one, stop declaring I'm starting over. Because starting over is heavy and it implies failure. Instead say, I'm going to restart softly. I'm returning to myself and I'm adjusting. Number two, use a minimum baseline plan for the depleted days. Your days you're the days you're most exhausted. This is how you stop quitting when life gets hard. Your baseline is the smallest version of the plan that still counts. Here's an example baseline. Food. The food baseline is protein plus water plus one simple meal you can repeat. The movement baseline is 10 minutes of walking or stretch or moving once. And your sleep baseline lights out 30 minutes earlier or phone away 15 minutes earlier. The baseline days protect you from the all or nothing crash. You don't have to do it all. You just have to do something that keeps you connected. And number three is the next right choice script. Use it out loud. When you feel the urge to spiral, binge, quit, or numb out, you just say, okay, I'm depleted. I'm exhausted. That's real. But what's the next right choice for me? And then you choose something small, like, I don't know, drink water, step outside, eat a real meal, write one sentence in your journal, text your support person, delay the urge by 10 minutes. This is how you interrupt the pattern. Number four is your quarterly goals. So instead of yearly goals, a whole year feels like a giant mountain. And when you're depleted, mountains feel impossible. But a quarter, a quarter feels like a season. It gives you a shorter runway, faster wins, room to pivot, time to reevaluate if the goal is still serving you. Because here's the truth: some goals aren't wrong. They're just outdated. You're allowed to evolve. Stop comparing your chapter three to someone's chapter 27. This is huge right now. Scrolling can be quietly depleting because you're measuring yourself against someone's highlight reel. Try this boundary. Celebrate them. Don't diminish you. Or this. I'm happy for you and I'm staying in my lane. And if you need to take a break from watching everyone else win, well, that's not jealousy, okay? That's that's wisdom. That's emotional conservation. Now here's the fun part. I want to challenge you. I'm gonna be on doing this myself. A seven-day no restart challenge. So for the next seven days, we're not allowed to say, I'm starting over. Instead, you're gonna say, I'm restarting softly. Reboot, I'm adjusting, I'm returning, and do one small step daily. Here are seven easy options. Pick just one per day. Drink water before coffee, a 10-minute walk, write five lines in your journal, plan one simple meal, put your phone away 15 minutes earlier than usual. Clean one small space, just one. Send a supportive text to someone else. And that's it. One small step, one pause, one choice. That is how identity shifts happen. So if you're quietly depleted today, hear me. It doesn't mean you're failing. It means you've been carrying more than you realize. And you don't need to push harder. You don't need to shame yourself into change. You just need a pause and a soft restart. Because progress isn't built by dramatic resets. It's built by small steps that you repeat. So this week, stop starting over. Start where you left off. So if you want to go deeper in these conversations with me, just join my email list at delaythebenge.com and come be part of the community where we practice together. And remember, you don't have to fix everything. You just have to delay it long enough to listen to your own story and choose the next right step. I'll see you next week and be sure and tune in for all our guests coming up. I'm so excited. And hey, if you don't want to be on my email list, why don't you go to my YouTube channel? It's Pam DwyerSpeaker. Check it out. I've got some amazing videos, and that's where my podcast is, and that's where the video is where you can see me doing the podcast instead of just listening. And have some fun little reels on there, and you can actually see what my guests look like. So subscribe, follow, like, do all the things. And be sure and comment on my YouTube channel too. Let me know what you think of the video. See you next week.