Episode 55 | Meet Wanda And Grace, The Frenemies In Your Head

In this episode of Delay the Binge™, Pam Dwyer sits down with Michele Phillips, President of Key Performance, bestselling author of Happiness Is a Habit, and author of the new book Energize Your Happiness, for a powerful, practical, and heart-filled conversation about energy, emotion, and everyday habits.

Together, Pam and Michele explore:

What Michele really means by “energize your happiness”

Why she wants people to run on alignment, not adrenaline

How she turned her own anger and “too much energy” into wisdom and leadership

Her brilliant practice of naming her inner voices “Wanda” (fight/flight, fear, judgment) and “Grace” (wisdom, courage, compassion)

The 90-second rule for emotional hijacks and why pausing matters

Why conflict is energy asking for direction

How quiet depletion shows up—especially in women who are doing it all

Why trying to “wrestle a bad habit to the ground” doesn’t work

Michele’s approach of adding positive habits instead of starting with deprivation

How identity shifts happen slowly, and why we must celebrate small wins

The role of journaling, brain dumps, and clarity in healing and decision-making

Pam also weaves in the core ideas of Delay the Binge™—the purposeful pause, delaying the urge, and starting from where you left off instead of “starting over.”

If you’ve ever felt:

Drained but still pushing

Stuck in the same emotional patterns

Guilty for being angry

Or afraid you’ll never “get it together”…

this conversation will give you language, tools, and a deep sense of hope.

🔗 Connect with Michele Phillips

Book: Energize Your Happiness
Website: key2unlock.com
Instagram: @energizewithmichele
LinkedIn

🔗 Connect with Pam / Delay the Binge™

Podcast: Delay the Binge™
Community & updates: delaythebinge.com
Short stories as PJ Hamilton: Short Stories from the Heart of the Piney Woods  

💛 If this episode gave you a little unexpected hope, hit subscribe, share it with a friend, and remember:
You don’t have to fix everything.
You just have to pause long enough to choose one powerful next step.

This is Delay the Binge™, formerly The Plus One Theory Podcast

Delay the Binge™ is a trademark of TPKK Concepts LLC.
© 2025 Pam Dwyer. All rights reserved.
Learn more: DelayTheBinge.com

Storytelling that transforms. Healing that lasts.
From bestselling author Pam Dwyer (PJ Hamilton).
Books + speaking: PamDwyer.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Warm Welcome And Guest Intro
• 2:10 Defining Happiness As Energy And Ownership
• 5:15 Follow The Energy: Career Origins
• 10:40 From Frenetic To Focused: Managing Emotions
• 16:50 Naming Inner Voices: Wanda And Grace
• 22:30 Quiet Depletion And Digital Overload
• 27:20 Plus One Theory And Identity Shifts
• 33:40 Habits That Add Up, Not Deprive
• 39:30 Journaling For Clarity And Momentum

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome back to Delay the Bench Podcast, where we explore the small shifts, the quiet pauses, and the moments of truth that help you break old patterns and finally feel like yourself again. Today's guest, I'm so excited, everybody. Today's guest is someone whose work truly speaks to the heart of what we do here. I'm joined by Michelle Phillips, president of Key Performance, and a globally respected expert in happiness and energy and high performance. For more than 25 years, she's coached individual leaders and Fortune 500 companies around the world, helping them elevate their habits, their mindset, and their emotional well-being. You might know Michelle from her best-selling book, Happiness is a Habit, which was voted one of Amazon's top five self-development books. And now her brand new book, Energize Your Happiness, is already on its way to inspiring millions. But here's what stands out about Michelle to me. Personally, she doesn't teach happiness as an escape from life. She teaches it as energy and ownership and intentional daily habits that carry you through life. She helps us understand focus, presence, and the patterns that quietly drain our joy. Today, our conversation is going to be powerful, practical, and full of heart. Michelle, welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_02: 1:35

Thank you, Pam. I am thrilled to be here with you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:38

I'm so excited too. And before we dive into your new book, I just want to ask, I don't'm not sure. You ask everyone else, but how are you today? And how are you this new year?

SPEAKER_02: 1:51

I am good. You know, when I look out at the world and I look at, you know, what's that quote that's coming to my mind? If everyone took their problems and put them in a pile, you'd want yours back. So yeah, given anything I'm dealing with, I'm really doing fabulous. It's a it's a very good day.

SPEAKER_00: 2:09

Man. Well, can we can I ask what's one small habit or ritual that's been grounding you lately?

SPEAKER_02: 2:16

Oh my goodness. It's for me, it's focus, focus, focus. You know, whatever I focus on grows. So I know in order to keep myself grounded and in love and light, I've got to focus on things that make me feel good. And nothing makes me feel better than knowing that I'm of service to the world, that what I'm doing matters. So while I don't live under a rock and I know the world could be uh crazy sometimes, I really what really grounds me is not giving my attention and energy to things I don't control. That's a huge habit I use.

SPEAKER_00: 2:55

Right. And I love that. I've learned that from you and I've started putting that into practice. You know, just not when you're upset or unhappy or angry even with someone, it's just giving them your energy. So you have taught me that. So thank you for that.

SPEAKER_01: 3:11

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 3:12

So you've spent more than 25 years. How can that be when you look 25?

SPEAKER_02: 3:17

I know. It goes by so quick, but it was so fun, and I'm not done. So uh yeah, this I always say this path found me. I did not find it. Um, I was just on the phone earlier with someone, and we were just talking about the synchronicities in your life. And when I think back of my old boss, and then I went to Fordham for grad school, and this woman in my class hired me, and then she gave me this book, this spiritual book, and then this other client gave me a spiritual book, and I was like, I'm working in corporate. Why are these all these corporate leaders giving me these spiritual books? But that's my journey is combining those two worlds and bringing them to corporations. And so 25 years, it found me. People got came in my path, people pointed me in the right direction, and people believed in me. So very blessed in that respect.

SPEAKER_00: 4:07

Yeah, and so I guess that's when you realized that you were meant to teach it all. I mean, or did you was there a specific time in your life when you thought, wow, this is what I really want to do?

SPEAKER_02: 4:21

Yeah, it's I've come to calling it follow the energy. But I can remember, oh my gosh, back when on my sales, I used to be a sales, a salesperson for Verizon when cell phones were literally brand new. And they showed us a video in the class one day. Oh my gosh, it was Brian Tracy, the psychology of selling. That video got me so excited. I ran home to my husband at the time. I'm like, we have to watch this video. And he said to me, I'm not in sales. I said, It doesn't matter. It's for life, it's for life, it can help you. And at that moment, when I it lit me up so much, and I was a sales trainer at the time too. I was doing sales and I was doing sales training, and I was like, this is what I'm meant to do. So it was like duck to water. Where before that, the years before that, I was working in a corporation, I was doing well because I'm good at sales, but it wasn't lighting me up the same way.

SPEAKER_00: 5:19

Right. And so that I found that too, that I was a natural at sales. But we probably have different reasons for that. I really do feel strongly about growing up in a dysfunctional childhood. It really helped me read the room, so to speak.

SPEAKER_01: 5:33

Yeah, I don't remember we talked about that.

SPEAKER_00: 5:35

Yeah, we did. And so I think that really helped me a lot. Learn, first of all, to read the room, but secondly to choose joy and to find energy and all the bad stuff that can happen to anyone.

SPEAKER_02: 5:48

Yeah, it's almost like you have extra antennas up. You know, I remember you telling me like you walk in the room and you're scanning for who's safe, who's not safe. And, you know, but if you when you override that and know it is safe, you know, and it does help you help people make decisions and help you influence them. So it's a very um unique skill to have.

SPEAKER_00: 6:07

Yes. And, you know, congratulations, by the way, on your new book, Energize Your Happiness. As an as a fellow author, I'm just I just am in awe of all that you're doing to bring awareness of your message. But what's your favorite? Is there like one message in the book that you feel the world really needs to know right now?

SPEAKER_02: 6:30

And it aligns with your message, which is so fabulous. It's I want people to run on um alignment, not adrenaline.

unknown: 6:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 6:39

And when I say energize your happiness, when you think of energy, and I know when I was young, I had a lot of frenetic energy. I was so energetic. And think of a child, you know, running around the room and bouncing off the walls. And we tell them slow down, be quiet, you know, because they don't know how to manage all this joy and energy in them. And the energy is still in all of us. But a lot of us have, I say, turn down our light. And I want people to awaken that energy, but then focus it because focused energy is very powerful versus frenetic bouncing all over the world and energy. So I feel like I equate it to it's kind of like harnessing the wind. It's so exciting. And it it's I can only harness it for so long because I live in the real world. But when you get on that natural momentum of your energy going in the direction of what your goals and dreams and wishes, it's very exhilarating. And I everybody has the ability to do this.

SPEAKER_00: 7:39

Yes, that's the key, you know, is to help people harness their energy, you know, and then point it in the direction that they're led to do. I mean, I think everyone has a calling, everyone has a story, right? But my question to you is the story. What is your story? I I keep trying to find it when I was doing my homework. And I would just, what's a favorite story you could tell us, share with us about yourself?

SPEAKER_02: 8:07

Yeah, so I I always say my books come out of my own doubts and fears and insecurities. And I was the child with a lot of energy. And even up until my 20s, and one of my first jobs, I was walking in all happy saying good morning. And this woman told me, take your pom-poms and go someplace else. And people didn't like my happy energy. And I was, I always say I was unconsciously happy as a young person. And I was always told to bottle it on too much, you're too loud, you've moved too fast. So even in my you know, late 20s, 30s, I was, I was cl I was trying to be corporate or whatever I thought I should be. And then when I learned that my energy, you know, I can control it because while I had a lot of good energy, the flip side was I also had a lot of dark energy. So when things did not go my way, I was very good at yelling, screaming, throwing things, and pitching a little bit of a fit. Of course, only with the people that loved me. I never did this at work, so I'm smart enough to know better. But the people, my closest people can, you know, do the tell all on me. I had no control over that anger energy. And I really um had to learn how to manage my own energy. And then once I realized, because I used to literally tell people, Pam, it's just the way I am. It's um Spanish and Italian, and we're crazy people. You know, I just blamed it, right? Point fingers, blame. It's my father has a temper, I am a temper. We're Spanish, Italian, crazy people. And then when I learned, no, no, Michelle, you have absolute control over your reaction, whew, that was like a punch in my gut because I didn't want to take that responsibility. It was easier to point the finger and blame it. But once I started taking responsibility and seeing the result, oh my God, I want to tell the world, I want to share this with everybody because this is an amazing thing. This is amazing, um, these are amazing methods and lessons.

SPEAKER_00: 10:05

And is it do you find it difficult a lot of times? I I mean, I've talked to so many people about anger, you know, and a lot of people think that it's such a terrible thing, but anger is energy, and it and it ca it depends on what you do with that energy to, you know, really realize if it's a bad thing or not. So I mean, when you what do you mean when you use the word energy?

SPEAKER_02: 10:31

And yeah, so I always say conflict is energy asking for direction. Because the con when we think of the word conflict, it could be like a uh life, dangerous conflict, or it could be I want pizza and you want pastraming for dinner. That's a conflict, right? It doesn't have to be these big things, but when I there's so many quotes I use, and one of my favorite quotes is every fight I pick is with myself. So if I want to fight over what we watch on TV, or I want to fight that you think this and I think that, the first person I'm picking a fight with is me. So I don't want to fight. So when that energy gets triggered, and I'm still quick to spark, because what you said, anger is there, it's not going away.

SPEAKER_00: 11:15

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 11:15

I've got this piece of me that is always going to turn on. It's my fight and flight. I've named her Wanda, which is what we'll talk about that a little deeper. Because separating her from me has really helped me manage it. Wanda is there to protect me, but she's also very judgmental, she's mean, she, you know, if I listen to her all day, I'd sit in the corner and not do anything. So while she means well, she doesn't always help me. So knowing that it's normal for your fight and flight to come on, it's normal to have every emotion. But then when I say, is it real or fake? I would I call it real or fake fear. Is something happening in this moment that is affecting my, you know, is it is it life threatening? And if nothing's happening in the moment, I'm here on a call with you, it means my brain has triggered a memory. Or it's thinking in the future, what if I don't get such and such done? And once I realize it's not happening in the moment, I have the mental ability to override it, call in Grace, who is my voice of wisdom and courage. And, you know, I say, Wanda, we've heard enough. We love you. Thank you. I know you're just trying to help. Grace, what do you think? And Grace says, Michelle, in this moment you're fine. In this moment, everything's okay. And I know you're always doing your best. So what's worked for me is naming these pieces of myself, call them inner critic, inner coach, devil angel. But when I've named them, they have become like almost my friends. And even my husband, we have just playful banter because if I get a little edgy, he's like, Oh, is Wanda here? And I'm like, Yes, Wanda is here. And he knows he better steer clear for a little while until Wanda, you know, goes away. Because Michelle is wonderful. She would never be mean to you. But Wanda, man, watch out. She'll take your legs out.

SPEAKER_00: 13:07

I love that so much because I've learned just from early on in life to name things. If I put a name to it, then I can use it in whatever way. And it's it's an identity that you're giving each of your emotions. And I love that so much. I'm gonna try it, I think.

SPEAKER_01: 13:25

Yeah, I whole workshops like name their their alter ego or their cottonera.

SPEAKER_00: 13:30

Well, I we've always said, um, like to my kids right when they were growing up and they were being terrible, I would always say, Do you want me to put my mean mommy hat on? You know, nice mommy, mean mommy hat.

unknown: 13:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 13:44

And it's, you know, Pam, you know this, it's realizing that these are real emotions and that our, you know, our fight and flight disconnects our functioning brain so that we really aren't thinking in our right mind. So they said they're the person was temporarily insane. It's true, does not condone bad behavior. But when your fight and flight turns on, your logical brain shuts down. So really understanding the research has helped me, and that's why I like to help other people. And the research shows in 90 seconds that burst of adrenaline dissipates. So that's why they say count to 10, take a walk, sleep on it.

SPEAKER_00: 14:24

And this, we're going exactly down the road that I wanted my listeners to hear from you because I I we I view you as an expert in this area. We talk a lot about the lower brain chatter versus this the frontal cortex of your brain, the thinking part of your brain. And, you know, when it comes to weight loss or overworking, overdoing anything with bad or unhealthy habits, we listen to the lower brain chatter that's just trying to get us to feel better temporarily. But there's ways to bring that frontal cortex back online.

SPEAKER_02: 14:58

Yeah, and realizing everyone listening, you have this wise person inside of you. You all have a grace. Grace is my voice of wisdom. She's so wise, she's spiritual, she's loving, she's inclusive. Wanda, on the other hand, she she gets shit done if I could curse a little bit, but like she's the one who's gonna get it done, but she's also judgy and you know, wants to do everything her way. So when I have these two characters, and I and if anyone listening and you, Pam, and everyone, everyone has, like you said, I have my mommy hat, I have my loving hat, I have my angry hat. So once I name them and I realize I'm listening, you know, who's driving the ship right now? You know, Wanda's driving, and I don't, she's bringing me into the ditch, really. And I don't want to be in the ditch. So I need to steer my brain in another direction. And the more, if we I always like to imagine my amygdala is at the front of my brain and my logical reason center is at the back, and that there's this road in between the two. Most people, when they get hijacked, triggered, don't count to 10 or wait the 90 seconds and they react. So I always say there's a dirt road between their, you know, reaction center and their logical center. But if you start using it, you create a beautiful super highway and you make better decisions. And Pam, oh my gosh, I could tell you stories. When I first learned this, I was angry that I knew it because I still wanted to blame and yell. I remember, I remember one incident where I was, I don't even remember why I was mad, but I went out on the back patio and the recyclables, recycle bin was there, and I started smashing glass on the concrete. It was so satisfying. It's in the middle of the day, I was like, bam, bam, bam. And then I looked up and my neighbor was, he had his head cocked to the side. He was just looking at me like, who is this crazy woman? And it's like I knew better, but the more I practice it, I was like, this stupid, you know, a McDuild, these stupid lessons. But the more I practice it, the better I got to the point where I, you know, I am a new, I am a, you know, 3.0, I don't know, 4.0 person. Um, people that knew me then are like, who are you, Michelle? And I was like, oh my gosh, I did this one little thing and practice it over and over, and it changed everything. Changed everything.

SPEAKER_00: 17:18

It does. And and I have, I'm actually writing a new book, but I speak a lot or write a lot about quiet depletion, which if it affects everyone, but mostly women, because we're very uh motivated and sp you know, driven to do all the things that must be done in a day. And a lot of times we ignore ourselves, and the quiet depletion can r literally make you sick. It can really um cause you to mentally uh seek comfort in ways that aren't good for you. And it's a hidden exhaustion, you know. And women are, I mean, we're all guilty of it. I mean, I think that's you know why I got sick. I think I was just doing so much and ignoring all the signs and the signals that my body was trying to tell me and show me.

SPEAKER_02: 18:11

Pam, I love the term you gave it, quiet depletion, because we are trying to do it all. And I just learned this recently, um, because I just read, I'm gonna give credit where it's too. I read Jill Boldy Taylor's book, A Whole New Mind, which she'll tell you there's four characters in your brain. I was like, I was only on two, but now she's saying there's research says there's four, but that's for another podcast. But what she the point she made in her book, which really resonated with me to your point, Quiet Depletion, is we live in this computer-generated world. And a computer never needs to rest. So the more you post, or the more you play a video game, or the more you it says, oh, you're doing great, keep going. Oh, you're doing, oh, your video got keep posting. Your content is getting noticed. And as human beings, we need to sleep. We need to rest. We need silence. And to really, I think there's a lot of people, women, especially to your point, that are trying to live like a computer because we live in this world that is constantly telling us to do more when our physical body is not capable.

SPEAKER_00: 19:18

Exactly. And yes, I'm very passionate about that right now because sometimes feeling um scattered and unfocused, uh, I always ask myself, why am I feeling this way? But it's because there's so much in my brain that I'm trying to sort out and trying to get it all done. You know?

SPEAKER_02: 19:38

So you're someone who's putting books in the world and changing lives, and those ideas come quicker than the implementation of them.

SPEAKER_00: 19:46

Yes. And so I name everything. I don't give them a personality or an identity, but like my plus one theory, you know, that's taking small incremental shifts to finish stronger than I started and to Not start over, just start where I left off so I can use everything I've already built. You know, and a lot of people, I think, think they have to start over, scrap all this. Let's start over, but you don't. You just start from where you left off, you know.

SPEAKER_02: 20:16

I love that concept that you share with people. Um, because it's it's it's it's we make it up in our head that we have to start over.

SPEAKER_00: 20:23

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 20:23

We don't have to start over. And you know, people like when you're eating healthy, you might eat healthy for a week or two weeks, and then you you have a binge, right? Then you you don't you're not starting from scratch. You have two weeks of good eating. So you had one day that out of two weeks that you didn't eat well, you just start again where you are. So that is so brilliant. And I love what you're doing is almost giving people permission to just, you know, start start where they are.

SPEAKER_00: 20:47

Well, and a lot of people, they they want to break their old patterns that aren't serving them, but the urge to numb or override is so strong. Um, I'm wondering what you what do you think about that?

SPEAKER_02: 21:03

Yeah, I think for me, what I've done over the years was uh I believe in adding positive habits. To, you know, talk to your your audience who might um be dealing with eating or weight loss or any of those exercises. I always tell people to never deprive yourself of anything in the beginning. This is my theory, the Michelle Phillips theory, is don't deprive yourself, just add apples. So now you're eating an apple a day for 90 days and it becomes something you do, and now add a walk around the block. And now keep your cookies, keep your soda, keep whatever you're doing, smoke your cigarettes, I don't care. But just start adding. I do care, but you start adding, and what really happens is so fabulous. The more positive habits you accumulate, um, and habits, let me back up, require no energy, and they take the research has shifted over the years, anywhere from 21 to 90 days to create a habit, which is something you do without thinking. And after a while, now you're eating apples, you're walking around the block, you're reading a couple pages of a good book, you think, oh my God, drinking soda or something that's you the bad habits literally fall away. I promise you, I guarantee you, but you have to believe enough that you're creating good habits as you go, that eventually the bad habits will fall away. Because trying to wrestle a bad habit to the ground is just a recipe for disaster.

SPEAKER_00: 22:26

And I know you know this. It doesn't work. And and that's why I, you know, delay the binge is all about the purposeful pause, you know, taking just a moment to re to put your front frontal cortex back online so you can think, okay, I want this chocolate cake, but why don't I give myself some permission to have it tomorrow? Not right now. I'm going to take control and I'm going to delay this until tomorrow. And I promise you, every time I've tried that the next day, I really don't want it anymore because, you know, I've done some positive things with new, you know, new patterns, new habits.

SPEAKER_02: 23:05

And I always envision, I envision people that are very fit, like my workout trainers at the gym. And I'm like, would she be eating this piece of cake? She's probably not eating cake right now. So when I think of somebody in my life that I admire, and you know, I want to overeat or indulge, and it helps me exactly do what you say, delay the binge.

SPEAKER_00: 23:25

It's a big deal when you're making a huge identity shift like that. So I know you've coached a lot of people, and I I was wanting to ask you when when someone uh shifts their identity, when you know the old patterns are no longer match who they want to be, how do you how do you coach that? How do you help them um get acquainted with the new, the new person, the new patterns?

SPEAKER_02: 23:50

Yeah, you know, as a coach, it's it's it's kind of like you know, wearing a new dress or trying on something new. And I really want people to celebrate all the little tiny steps. And as a coach, I see the effort, I see the progress, I see how much they care, how hard they're trying. Like I, as a coach, you see it all, but the people in their lives don't see it. And they know they've shifted, but then the people in their lives kind of still see 1.0 version and they're really 2.0 now. And so sometimes they get upset. People say, oh, so-and-so made a comment about my behavior, and I know I've been trying, and they didn't see it. I'm like, yeah, because they're not you and I are together, you know, every day, once a week, whatever it is. They only see you X amount of times. Give it time. You have to give it time for this to catch on till people know this is really you. And it's not, because some people do change for a little while and then go back. Uh, so really helping them, really, I'm their biggest cheerleader. And we say, I am in your corner, I am here. You got to give the world a little bit of time and sometimes yourself included to catch up to this new version of yourself. But you're a smart person. We all are smart, right? If I put a dollar in the bank every day, I'm not a millionaire, but I know I have more today than I did yesterday.

SPEAKER_00: 25:11

Yeah, oh, I love that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 25:13

Celebrating those little tiny, you know, I did move my body today. I did eat the apple today. I did, you know, so I'm I'm a big believer in celebrating what you did right and not beating yourself up for anything you did wrong.

SPEAKER_00: 25:27

I so love that because we are our own worst enemies. I mean, I'm the most critical of myself more than anyone else, but when I do start making positive changes, you've got to get the your, I call it the people in your circle, you know, on board. And a lot of times they do resist it because guess what? It's like looking in a mirror. You know, they're seeing things they need to improve. And maybe they don't want to go there yet.

SPEAKER_02: 25:52

Exactly. No, it's true. And so sometimes when people make these shifts, you do, I don't want to say lose friends, but you change friends.

SPEAKER_00: 26:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 26:00

And that's another thing I've learned over the years that it's okay. Not every friend is forever. And every friend gives you something different at a different point in your life. I also encourage my clients to keep, you know, victory logs or a list of you know everything they've done well in the month, personally and professionally, because it gives you momentum to keep going. Because you might feel like, oh, I had a bad month or I didn't lose weight, or I didn't. And then you look at this list and you go, oh my gosh, but I went to the gym, you know, four times a week and I did this and I went outside and walked. I am, and that's when people you're smart. These people, we're all smart people. Then I am doing something and I'm moving in the right direction.

SPEAKER_00: 26:42

Right. And I'm a huge advocate for journaling. I mean, my book is it has my actual journal entries in them every few chapters from counseling. And so I I still to this day utilize it because uh let's be honest here. Who who on earth remembers what they were thinking or feeling two weeks ago? I mean, I don't. And so you have to see a pattern. You sometimes you don't realize there's a pattern unless you're writing down your your feelings or anything. It could be what you're eating. You know, people don't like to do journal their food logs, but it's important.

SPEAKER_02: 27:20

I'm a big believer in journaling, and you're you're very brave for you know sharing your journal. I share pieces of my journal as well, because I think it's important for people to see us as human. Like neither of us are here saying we have it all figured out. We're humans and you know it's we're constantly evolving. But I guarantee you, journaling, if you take the time to write in a journal, I guarantee you you will have an aha moment. You will learn something about yourself, you will gain clarity, and you will know what step to take next. It is so powerful. And you're using four out of your five senses, so it's really slowing down your internal processor. It's doing so many things. So, and the big thing with journal I find with my clients is they say two things. What if somebody reads it? I'm like, who cares? Everybody has scary thoughts, like, who cares? And I don't have time to write in it every day. And I always say, it's your journal, write in it when you want. You don't know who made the rule, you had to write it every day. So, you know, in the beginning of my life, when I'm a little my life, the beginning of my journaling life, I used to only write in it when I was sad. And I used to make the joke if I died tomorrow, some people would think I was the most depressing person because when I was happy, I didn't write in it. But now I write in it, it's become such a tool in my life. It's literally an extension of my arm. It goes everywhere with me. I mean, my knapsack on the plane will be heavier, but I will stuff that journal in and my little pouch of markers because it is life-saving. So journaling, um, big proponent.

SPEAKER_00: 28:50

Oh my goodness. It is so important. And as I don't see myself as a leader, I just see myself as someone that's sharing my life experiences, and hopefully someone can get something from it, you know, to improve their lives with. But I know that you've worked with a lot of leaders, like the the Fortune 500 companies. And do you find that um what do they struggle with the most? Is it more of a personal struggle that they that affects their leadership, you know, or is it just a combination of it all, or do they get tired of dealing with people that aren't looking in?

SPEAKER_02: 29:31

You know, having so first of all, you are a leader and you are of service to so many people with your books and podcasts and everything you're doing. Uh so thank you for doing your work.

SPEAKER_01: 29:40

Welcome.

SPEAKER_02: 29:41

And I think what I find, I work with a lot of high performers, and what I find with the high performers is they get used to the adrenaline and they normalize crazy. So they start to normalize, it's normal to do, you know, just to keep going and never stop. And, you know, the I also find that in every company there are beliefs, what I call the believers. There are the people that get it. There are people in every company that get that your mental, physical, spiritual, emotional health matters. And they want their teams to be mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically fit. And, you know, they want good well-being. So they bring me in to work with them. What I do find is people are people. We all have, you know, we all have similar, you know, hopes and dreams. And, you know, we're all pretty much struggling with similar things. But um what I find with again, high achievers is they seem to normalize the amount of work they do and the fact that they don't take a break or they don't, you know, which is really important. So part of my coaching is not only, you know, helping them be more decisive, but taking time for them, spending time outdoors, taking time for lunch. You know, those kinds of things, which so the coaching is definitely holistic in that respect. And then, you know, I think when you do take those moments of going outside for 10 minutes, you gain clarity and you come back and you make better decisions.

SPEAKER_00: 31:12

I love clarity so much. And that's I do um, I'm sure you've heard of it, but I do like a brain dump every evening so that I may sleep better, which is everything that's going on in my head, which is a lot, because I'm a writer and I I'm very I'm a creative. And so I have all these ideas, and sometimes it it impacts my sleep. And so I literally get my journal and just write words. It doesn't have to be, you know, a full page or anything that's meaningful to anyone else, but I just dump it all into paper and then, you know, let it go for the evening so I can sleep.

SPEAKER_02: 31:48

It's beautiful. I love that ritual. I think it's gorge it's beautiful. Is it what does it work well?

SPEAKER_00: 31:52

Oh my goodness, yes, it does. It's it's almost like meditation for me. And I can just rest better because I know it's on paper. I can pick it up again tomorrow morning and start again. But with clarity, right? And that's that's always it seemed to it's been the missing element for me uh in pretty much everything I do, because it's just everything's so scattered. And I have all these great ideas, but how can I pull them together and struct and into a structure that works? You know, so it helps me focus, it helped it gives me clarity.

SPEAKER_02: 32:26

And so it's so important. I always say, ask, you know, what do you want, Michelle? What do you want? You know, I always ask and tell people, anyone listening, ask just what do you want? Not what does someone else want for you? Um, and answering that question, some people go, I don't know what I want. Nobody ever asked me before.

SPEAKER_00: 32:41

And that uh the leaders that have been in my life in the corporate world, them they impacted my life so much because they helped me find what my strength was, what my gift is. And then then they teach me, okay, just because this comes natural to you, Pam, doesn't mean that it's that we've harnessed it so that we can utilize the energy of it. And so the great leaders in my life have taught me to recognize the gift or the strength, and they they tap into it for the team. You know, uh to me, that's the best leader that can point out strengths in their team and their team leadership.

SPEAKER_02: 33:18

And then help the team get better. Yes. I have one leader, I work with him all the time, and he always teases, he's like, I'm a little bit serious, promudgeon, and you're happy and you know energetic, so we make a good team. So he leads the team, and he leads the team and I coach the team. Um, but it's knowing where his strengths are and what where my strengths are. I couldn't never do his job, he's got a very big job. Um, but it's the compliment, and you know, I like what you're saying about those leaders that see the potential in others, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 33:45

Right, and that's their gift, you know. I mean, there's chiefs and there's Indians, you know. I used to always think that I was a good Indian, which I d have been a good Indian, but it brought me to the place of leadership, you know, where I could help others become more than what they are, or to re to believe that they can. So has there ever been a moment, um all these tools, all these great ideas you have, all these this just this way to harness energy, has it ever stopped working for you and have you ever had to recalibrate?

SPEAKER_02: 34:20

All the time. It's a regular thing. So that's a that's the beauty. Um I am a normal person. I have every single emotion everybody has. I have days when I feel great, I have days when I binge, I have days when I, you know, I have all of it. But it's knowing the tools are there is what gives me solace. So anytime I'm in a bad place, um I know life is balanced. It can't always be up, up, up, up, right? It's it's uh ebbing and flowing. I know if I have a down day or a down week, it's temporary. I know that I have the tools to lift myself. And it might take a couple days, you know, it depends where, you know, what has happened, but I have lots of, I'm trying to think of one recently, but I get knocked off just like anyone else. I could open an email and see something that, you know, just triggers me. And then I have to take that pause, right? Delay the binge, take the pause, and even say, Michelle, what are you going to do next? Like this is information. Energy is information. It's almost like hitting the rumble strips on the side of the road, right? Something in my life happened, and I hit the rumble strips, and then I, you know, I have to get back on course. So I don't have to go off in the ditch. So that's I think what saves me. Um, but you know, it doesn't mean in my my husband too. He when Wanda's around, man, I just know I'm like, Wanda's here, I'm in a bad mood, just get out of my way, and she'll be gone in a couple hours or maybe tomorrow. But right now, I need to just be.

SPEAKER_00: 35:48

Well, as a past marketing person, we used to tell clients all the time they would be so upset when they would get a bad review or something negative was said on a post or something, you know? And we would always tell them, well, the bad review makes the good ones believable. You know, and so we would just teach them how to use that energy.

SPEAKER_02: 36:12

It's so true. And when you you stuck a nerve with me with reviews, because you could get a glowing review where it says, Pam's this, Pam did wonderful, Pam did wonderful, Pam did wonderful, Pam needs to improve this. What does your brain go to? That one sentence that says you need to improve it, then it grabs onto it so hard and it doesn't let it go. So that's where we have to be smarter than our brains and than our reptilian brain and back up and say, This is seven pages of glowing review on Pam. One sentence of development, what am I choosing to focus on? You know, and that's the key right there. I choose to focus on the 99%, that's good. And the 1%, we're all working on something.

SPEAKER_00: 36:54

Right. And just let it go. Because that's what I do. I tend to say, if I could just speak to them, if I could just explain, but why am I giving all that energy to the one?

SPEAKER_02: 37:04

Exactly. And that's what we do with our energy. You're hitting on something really important, is we waste it on things we don't control, things we don't like, complaining, worrying. Well, you know, we have all this beautiful energy, and look where and where are we putting it? You know, instead of putting it on helping, being of service, helping someone, you know, being grateful, appreciative.

SPEAKER_00: 37:24

Being kind. Hello. I mean, kindness is a superpower, right? It makes you feel good about yourself and it makes the other person receiving it feel amazing. So I mean, the energy needs to go into things like that. You are so right. So I before we close, I just want to ask if someone's listening and they feel tired, discouraged, or stuck in some endless cycle that's defeating, what's the first thing you want them to do today?

SPEAKER_02: 37:54

I just want them, first of all, to realize that you always have more power than you think. Um, I always say, take two motivational movies and call me in the morning, you know, watch Life is Beautiful, watch uh The Last Holiday, watch uh, what are my Coach Carter, those are my favorite movies. Um, you know, watch something, but also set up a new goal for yourself that you can't fail at. Make it so simple that you can't fail. I, my life, I can't change the direction of your life overnight. I can't change your life overnight, but you could change the direction overnight. Tomorrow you could start eating apples. Tomorrow you could start walking around the block. Tomorrow you can stretch or write a letter to your mother. You know, so those little baby steps, we tend to celebrate the epiphanies and the I got the trophy. And no, celebrate every little step and just keep stepping.

SPEAKER_00: 38:43

And so that's how you energize the happiness, then, is the small stepping stones to the ultimate prize.

SPEAKER_02: 38:49

But momentum, then you get momentum and it goes faster and it's more fun.

SPEAKER_00: 38:53

Oh, I love that so much. So tell us where listeners can find you, follow your work, and get your new book.

SPEAKER_02: 39:00

Thank you. Thank you, Pam. Um, energize your happiness.com uh will lead you to my website. It'll lead you, and you could get everything there. My um Instagram is um energize with Michelle, but I'm everywhere, LinkedIn. Um, and the book is available on my website at energize your happiness.com. It's also available at Lulu.com, which is my publisher, and it's also available on Amazon.

SPEAKER_00: 39:24

Oh my goodness. And we're gonna make notes in the show notes, so you'll be able to reference it there. So don't feel panicked if you didn't write it all down. Um, Michelle, thank you so much for being here and for reminding us that happiness isn't something we chase, it's something we build. One habit, one pause, one intentional shift at a time. And for anyone listening today who felt a little hope you didn't expect, I want you to hang on to that. That's the power of awareness. That's the beginning of a new. Pattern. If Michelle's message resonated with you, again, you can get her book, her new book, Energize Your Happiness. It is such a gift. I've read it one and a half times. I'm working on the second one.

SPEAKER_02: 40:14

It is my humbled and I'm just really thrilled to be here with you, Pam, and all the work you're doing. I'm so proud of you.

SPEAKER_00: 40:20

Thank you. And it's people like you that help me do it. You teach me every day. So thanks for that.

SPEAKER_02: 40:25

Connected. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 40:26

You're welcome. And if you're navigating your own patterns, emotional eating, overworking, overthinking, over pleasing, and you want to explore the pause with me, make sure you follow the show, share this episode, and join our community at delaythebinge.com. I like I do is put your email in there, and then you're in the no, in the loop. Because together we learn to say, not today to the old pattern, and yes to ourselves. Thank you for listening today, and I'll see you in the next episode of Delay the Binge. One pause, one shift, one moment at a time.