What If You’re Not the Mud? | Carla Royal on Identity, Patterns & Letting Go | Becoming Series Prequel

What if the problem isn’t you… but the way you’ve learned to push through?

In this episode of the Delay the Binge™ Podcast, Pam Dwyer sits down with Carla Royal to explore a powerful shift in perspective:

👉 What if you are not the mud?

Carla Royal, M.Ed., is a certified Integral Master Coach™ who works with high-performing founders navigating the hidden cost of constant pressure. Her work focuses beneath performance — where internal patterns begin to narrow clarity, capacity, and decision-making.

Together, Pam and Carla unpack what happens when willpower and discipline stop working… and why so many people find themselves stuck in patterns they can’t seem to break.

This conversation isn’t about trying harder.

It’s about learning to notice what’s happening underneath — and creating space to respond differently.

💡 In This Episode:

• Why pushing through eventually stops working
• The hidden cost of operating in “override”
• Understanding the different parts within you
• Why awareness creates more capacity than control
• How curiosity replaces pressure in real change

🌿 Connect with Carla Royal:

🌐 https://www.carlaroyal.com/

🔗 https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlaroyal/

🎧 Listen on all platforms:

https://geni.us/dtb-carla-royal

👋 Work With Pam / Podcast Services:

If you’re a podcaster who wants to grow your show without getting overwhelmed behind the scenes, I help with editing, publishing, guest coordination, and strategy.

👉 Let’s connect

🔔 Subscribe for more conversations

If this resonates, you’re not alone.
 More conversations like this here.

Transcript

Why Success Can Feel Heavy

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Delay the Bench Podcast, where we explore the powerful moment between impulse and action. I'm your host, Pam Dwyer, and if you've ever found yourself pushing through exhaustion, making decisions under pressure, or holding everything together while something inside quietly fills off, you're not alone. Many people who look incredibly successful on the outside are operating under a kind of pressure most people never talk about. Today's guest works with leaders and high performers who carry that pressure every day. But what she discovered about success might surprise you because sometimes the problem isn't working too hard. It's operating your life in a constant override mode. For decades, Carla Royal has helped leaders restore clarity and internal capacity when success begins to cost more than it gives. Carla, welcome to the show. Thank you, Pam. It's really good to be here with you.

Carla’s Collapse And Turning Point

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Well, before we get into the work you do today, I would love to start with your story. Like what first led you to notice that many successful people were operating under a kind of um internal pressure that most people never talk about? Well, as is so often the case, and I believe it's the case with you as I've listened to several of your podcast episodes, which by the way, I love them. You do a great job. Um you know, it started with me. It started with my own suffering. Uh, it started with my own mask and presenting one way to the world and feeling something completely different from the inside. And um I'm not sure how deep you want me to get into this at this point, Pam. Maybe I'll give you the overview and then you can ask questions if it makes sense for your audience. But um, you know, I grew up in a in a very difficult family system, uh, lots of chaos, a lot of trauma, um, and and I was a sensitive child, and I was it was very difficult. And I had a lot of depression, a lot of difficulty. And I, again, I won't go into all the details at this point, but but where I ended up was uh hiring a therapist when I was 25 because I just couldn't really cope with it all. And at that point, I was just trying to find some relief. And it ended up that I went and became a therapist myself and still trying to find all the answers. And I did that as a therapist. I was a licensed therapist for about 15 years, and I just couldn't find the transformation that I believed was possible. A lot of the therapists that I work with were fantastic. It was super, super, super helpful and cathartic in many ways, but there was something missing because they were trying to help me cope. I believed that there was healing possible, real deep healing possible. And so I kept looking, and then my life just utterly collapsed. I mean, seriously, seriously collapsed. And from that experience, when I came out of that and knew that I really wanted to live, I was just determined to do whatever it took to go inside and find the way through the darkness and and feel better and find a way for true healing and true transformation. And then I wanted to share that with people. I then became a master certified coach and have been doing that for about 15 years. And here I am today, I found some ways that really make a difference. And I'm excited to share that and excited to work with my clients because what I found was that it's the deeper survival patterns that are blocking us. And if we don't deal with that level, all the tools and techniques and strategies in the world, while they can be helpful for a moment, uh, they often aren't helpful in a sustainable, in a sustaining kind of way. So that's the nutshell version. Wow, I love that. First and foremost, I have to thank you for all the help you offer people that grow up in dysfunction. You know, I grew up in dysfunction and abandonment, abuse, all those things. And it does give you a lot of stuff, you know, baggage that you carry into your adulthood. And so I was always lost and just I'm very resilient, but I was always looking for answers and like, why am I always so stressed and anxious and I can't seem to move forward? And so I finally did go into counseling. And my very first therapist, you remind me of her, by the way, but she was incredible and just helped me open up a lot. And and she was big into the brain, into patterns, you know, like what the brain tends to do with good or bad. The brain loves patterns, she explained. So But what patterns kept showing up in the leaders that you're working with?

The Hidden Pattern Of Override

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Did you is there a similar one or one that happens a lot? Yeah, I think I think there really is. And I think the main pattern is overriding themselves. They're just running on override and they're constantly overriding themselves. I had a client say to me once, um, I look forward to the day that fear and anger aren't driving my success.

unknown 5:28

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

That's pretty powerful. Very, very powerful. She acknowledged that it was giving her success, at least outwardly. You know, her company looked good, she looked good, everything looked good, but inside she was still suffering. And a lot of the, you know, I work with high performers who are just just pushing it out there, they're in the grind mentality. And um there was a time when maybe that was fun and chat and challenging in a really good way, and pressure and stress in good ways, and now it's starting to cost too much. And I think that that is a huge pattern that I see. And all of them are doing so much uh optimization kinds of things, um, and they're still suffering. And they don't understand why all the optimization, all the tools, they've gathered great tools, they've done a lot of work, but they don't understand how the survival patterns that are beneath that are driving them. And I don't know I I I I haven't met anyone yet, Pam, who hasn't had some kind of trauma from their lives. There are those, of course, who who grow up in much more dysfunctional families and chaos than others. Um, but the very culture we live in is often driving in such a way that's that's dysfunctional and unhelpful. So, yeah, those patterns that we have underneath it that are often unconscious, I think, are what are what driving us. And again, those patterns can help us get somewhere, but and it can look good to a culture that values certain a certain way that success and and uh looks, but the internal cost is is profound. And I think also the fear of failure, right? What we perceive is failure. And I've had that my whole life where I'm just second-guessing myself, but doing all the things I think that I'm supposed to do. And I'm very driven and very motivated to do the best of the best. I mean, that's why I even have my theory called the plus one theory, which is doing your best plus one. Yes. I mean, I raised both my kids to not even know what mediocrity meant. But I think that's my survival instinct, right? Just to make sure that I'm going to succeed and not struggle like what I came from. And so that can be very damaging and exhausting. That's the thing. I was always mentally exhausted, you know? And so from the outside, I looked like very successful and doing all the things correctly and not what I grew up with. But um sometimes there's a lot more going on internally than people realize. I mean, like, what do you think people don't see a lot of?

State Before Mindset

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Yeah, I think they don't see the the unconscious patterns that are driving them. And um, and and that's hard to name because it's uncon because it's unconscious. And I think that we try to, in this culture, especially, we try to get there through our mind. We try to get there through rationally, intellectually thinking through things. And I think that's where what happened when I was a therapist, excuse me, what happened when I was a therapist was, you know, the whole, the whole thing at that time. And for me, I started as a therapist in 1990, and we didn't know, we didn't, we really weren't taught in trauma-informed counseling or somatic work or body, you know, how the body works. We just weren't trained in that, or very few of us were. I certainly wasn't. And so we were just sitting there talking over and over and over again about the childhoods and and what was happening and trying to make sense of it. And while some sense could be made of it intellectually, the trauma was living in our bodies, and that was not being dealt with. So, really, the information we're looking for comes through our bodies and not our minds. Uh, what's happening in our bodies is what kind of creates the stories in our mind. And I think that's one of the places where I disagree with a lot of conventional coaching, is that a lot of conventional coaching starts with mindset. I think mindset is super important. Don't get me wrong, super, super, super important. But I believe that it it kind of gets the order a little bit different, that our state is what drives our mindset. If we don't deal with our state, then um we might be able to shift our mindset for a little while, but ultimately we're gonna re resort back to those uh to those state patterns. And the state is what is living in our bodies and what has to be has to be dealt with. So that's that that kind of underneath the surface is is for me the kind of work I do. And I and I again I don't want to diss other coaches because I think that mindset work is super important, and there's some clients who absolutely that's what they want, that's what they need. Um, but I do I do deeper below the surface kind of work. Well, and that's so fascinating to me because it's so important. You do see a lot of mindset strategies and you know, just trying to bring clarity to it's almost like a surface fix, like a temporary fix, you know, saying, okay, so this is your issue, this is what you're really going through whenever you like we do delay the binge, which is um pausing before you react or participate in some type of uh unhealthy urge or binge. And that pause gives you a moment to say, okay, what's really going on? I really don't want this chocolate cake. You know, I am I'm really just very exhausted or very stressed or whatever it is, but just taking a moment to think about that, but then what? Right. So a a lot of people talk about all these things. This is what the issue is, but then they don't go further, deeper, you know, about okay, so now what do I do? Now that I know I have this thing, what do I do with it? Yeah. So well, it I love your pause because that's exactly the first place I start to. So I love your wisdom in that. It's um it's everything. We have to pause before we can go anywhere, do anything. You know, that that is the space, you know, that we can begin to do the work. Um but right, if if the tools and techniques aren't working for you consistently, then that's could be a signal that there's something deeper and that that needs to be addressed. And I I think of it as an excavation as opposed to as opposed, but listen, Pam, I mean, you've been in therapy, you've you've had coaches, I've been in therapy and had coaches ever since I was 25. I'm 65 now. I mean, it it it it's so powerful and so helpful. But that work, this work is not for the faint of heart. It is, it's not easy work. It's not easy work to go underneath. One of the things I find with with my high performing clients is they're afraid that if they do go deeper, that they're gonna lose their edge. And that they're that I'm gonna say you have to slow down or you have to stop or you can't, you know, and that's that's not the case. I I I sometimes do say you need to slow down, but but it doesn't mean they have to slow down in a way that's going to damage their business, you know. Um, but but I think to your point, digging below the surface is is difficult. It's it's it's hard. It's hard. Yeah, you know that. I do. And uh also I do know the pressure of, you know, if something's not working or or if we're not uh meeting the expectations, say, of our team in a corporate situation, the solution is always push harder, work harder, work more. And we've been raised to believe that the harder you work, you know, the more you're going to succeed in your goals. But, you know, the old saying, work smarter, not harder, but I do feel strongly about that pressure to I and it and it's everywhere. It's in every even with young people. Yes, you know, they're being pressured to have the best grades, to do to be the best in their sport, to do all the things that are correct, and they're getting depleted

Cultural Pressure And Deep Roots

SPEAKER_00 14:08

as well mentally. Right. You know, so I just do you see a lot of different ages um with this issue? I oh, I I see it everywhere. I mean, I I don't I I work with people who are roughly 30, 35 to 55, roughly, with some changes outside of that, but um, but I see it everywhere. And I think you you're talking about failure. It part of this is not a personal, a lot of this is not a personal problem. Our culture, you know, if you win the gold medal in the Olympics, you're doing great. If you win the silver medal in the Olympics, well, hmm, that's not so good. You know, and it's insane what we think about failure. And um, you know, some of the greatest discoveries in the world, the light bulb, if you look at the light bulb, how many quote unquote failures had to happen for him to learn to get to that eventual light bulb. And we don't give ourselves that same grace because of this culture that's pressuring us so much. So so much of the grind that we're in is not a personal failure whatsoever. It's a cultural pressure that's super, super unhealthy. And we have to look at that. And the other piece is that when we're building something, uh I see this all the time. Everybody wants they it it I used to live in Florida and and I had uh several live ancient oaks, hundreds of years old in my yard, who had withstood hurricanes and terrible storms and and um and what I recognized about these incredible trees were they were they didn't look it necessarily, but you could see it in the wind, they were flexible, but more importantly, they had the deepest roots and their roots, I think don't quote me on this, you might want to look this up, but I think the roots are like twice as big as the crown of the tree. And what I see with my clients is that they want the crown, and they're spending all of their time and all of their energy on building the crown, and they're not building the root system. And so what happens is the crown, it it happens, it looks great, it looks amazing. And then the first storm that comes along, or the third storm that comes along, it crumbles, it falls over because their root system. So I help people with their root systems, if you will. And um, you know, that's that's my wheelhouse. Their wheelhouse is the crown, but I want them to create the root system and the flexibility to be able to withstand the storms. Right, because I I bet, I mean, I know personally that I tend to override my uh internal signals. Like I I don't know if if you've ever been in counseling, they in therapy, they they teach you, first of all, that your tendencies are never really go away. Those are permanent, but they can teach you give you coping skills and learn to recognize them. And then you have to think about what to do with that tendency. And so it's almost like that's where a lot of the exhaustion comes from for me, is that I have a tendency to respond this way in a conversation or in leadership. And then I have to think, okay, that's incorrect. Um, the correct thing to say or do is this. But then, you know, when my faith became a part of my life, then I had to think like a Christian too. So it's like I was almost thinking three different times every time to just just have a sentence come out of my mouth. And so I thought, you know, that that was my exhaustion, but really it wasn't. It was just that I was doing all the things expected of me, which is a lot, especially for women. You know, we all not only have our careers, but we have home life and all the things and a spouse and stuff. But it's a lot. But and so if we don't take a moment, you know, take a breath or seek professional help, you know, just to help you along, saying, okay, you do this, Pam, because of this. This is what you're doing. You you're struggling with balance and you're not a failure. This isn't about willpower. This is about you learning how to cope with what your tendencies are, but this is how you do it. And I don't know. I just felt like I was starting over a lot. And we don't have to start over. Do you agree with that? Do you think that just picking up where you left off is the best way to go? What's your thoughts on that? Well, I don't know. I I I wanted to step back a moment to something you said that your therap, all the therapists say about um kind of this is what you've got, you can't ever really get rid of it, you've got to just cope with it. Yeah. And I that's what I used to believe. I'm not so sure I believe that anymore, Pam. Yeah. And and because what I've seen is if we can, I believe that we can heal those parts of us. And that that that, you know, I mean, I'm sitting here thinking on some level there may always be some sort of a tendency, but I think that our center of gravity no longer has to be in that tendency. And I think that's what I've discovered in recent years is that we can we really can heal and unburden those traumatized parts of us and evolve. And so I I am so glad you said that because I've been talking a lot about evolving and becoming. And you have to heal in order to do that. And and then you evolve into this person that that that you can be happy that you are.

The Golden Buddha Under Mud

SPEAKER_00 19:57

One of the ways I think about it that I love this. This is a this is a true story, by the way. And um there was uh have you heard of the golden Buddha story? No. The Golden Buddha, this is a true story. I didn't I didn't know. I love stories. I do too. So the Golden Buddha story is this that that centuries ago there was a village who had a golden Buddha that they were very proud of. Very big, very beautiful, real gold Buddha. And they heard that war had broken out in the country. And they knew that it was just a matter of time before the soldiers came to their village, and they didn't want anything to happen to their golden Buddha. So they they they they coated it with mud and all kinds of things, and it just looked like a big blob of earth. And sure enough, the the soldiers came through and just wiped out the village, didn't touch the blob of earth. Centuries later, I think it would, don't quote me on the date, but I think uh I think in the 1970s, someone, maybe some archaeologists, I can't remember who they were, were moving through that territory, and um they saw this big mound of of earth, and the sunlight hit a crack in it just right that they saw a gleam of gold come out of it. So they went about um excavating this golden Buddha and they discovered this mul this this this golden Buddha that was worth multi-millions of dollars. Oh my gosh. And and for me, this to me is us. We are the golden Buddha, and through our family trauma, through cultural messages and beliefs and all kinds of other things, we've been caked with all of this gunk. But we, the our golden Buddha self, if you will, has never been damaged. It's not broken, it's not damaged, we are not at our essence damaged, and the work really is just taking all of this stuff off, off of us to come back to our golden Buddha. And so, right, the mud and stuff we maybe can't fix in the as a therapist say we can't fix that mud, but we just get rid of that mud because it's no longer helpful, it's no longer useful. It did have a purpose. It actually saved that golden Buddha. So it wasn't for naught. You know, it was it was super useful. But at some point, that mud needed to come off. I mean, that's how we survive some of the things we've been through, is we have to cake mud on ourselves to get through it, just to keep our essential self alive and well. So that's how I sort of see my work, that deeper work. It's not piling on more strategies and more um things like this, but and tools and techniques or optimization, but it's really about how can I help you take off the mud so that you can come back to your true essential golden Buddha self. I absolutely love that story. I think I can relate to it so well, and I think probably everyone can, but it's such a visual. You know, we're just caked in mud, but we have all this beautiful gold underneath just waiting to get out. And we just because so many of us believe believe we're the mud. Yes. And when we recognize that we are not the mud, we think we're the mud. We're told we're the mud. We all we've ever seen is the mud. So of course we think that, but it's not true. I so have a visual of you with a water hose. I love that. Get rid of the mud now. And a little brush, you know, because you've got to be careful,

What Override Looks Like Daily

SPEAKER_00 23:38

you know. So this um this override mode, I wanna I want to go a little deeper on that if we could. So what so when when someone's doing this override thing, what exactly does that look like in their day-to-day life? I mean, what are some examples, you know, of override mode? Well, I think you spoke to it. If I can use you as an example. Um you said you're always uh, you know, trying to succeed in every way and the plus one idea, which there's something about that that I love and something about that that it's like I guarantee, Pam, that your best is is h is better than the average person. And no offense, I don't mean any, you know, but I I guarantee, just just based on what who I think you are, that it's better than than most people's best or a lot of people's best. And I know that's an assumption, but let's just go with it for a moment. It is it is accurate. And so if you then plus one that, you know, i is that necessary? What if you what if you went for I'm gonna give eighty percent instead of a hundred percent, but eighty-one percent plus one on that eighty percent, eighty-one percent instead of a hundred percent, because eighty-one percent is enough to give out there, and without exhausting myself and killing myself, because then if I give eighty-one percent, then tomorrow I can come back and give eighty-one percent again, and the next day, and the next day, and the following day, and the following year, and the following year. If I give 101% every single day, I don't know. You might deplete yourself. And plus what you think is 100% is probably more like 200%. So what if you said to yourself, because that's kind of overriding, what if you said, I'm gonna give 81, I'm gonna keep that plus one because I like that, and that makes sense to me, but 81%, you know, what would that feel like to you? What would that be like for you? I've learned to accept that because I do realize my 100% or nothing mentality is very exhausting. And I and sometimes I things just don't get done or completed because if I can't do it 100%, I don't even want to look at it. I don't even want to go there. And that's not a healthy way to move forward in life and become the best version of yourself. And so I've learned that over time. I've also learned about maintenance, sustaining progress. And so if I did 81%, my whole plus one theory is about taking small intentional steps, right? To finish stronger than you started. And that has helped me so much because I have to remind myself of that every day because my tendency is to go over a hundred percent. But then that depletes me and I can't, I'm no good for anyone that way, especially myself. And then and then those plus one little small strategies and tools and techniques that you offer, which are so important, are actually doable now. Yes. Yes, and I don't have to leave something sitting on the plate, you know, and unfinished. Right, right. Because I can't give it all. I I just say, okay, you know, I'll do little bits, little small steps towards it. And it is probably 80% instead of a hundred, but that's okay. I can't get to everything then. Well, that's great. It's great. It's not only okay, it's just sustainable. Yes. It just makes sense now. It just means that you get to have a whole life instead of a partial life in one area. Exactly. And and it's time that passes anyway, right? So I know that each day I can build slowly now. I mean, but there was a time when I didn't realize that's what I was doing. I was just trying to get it all done. Right. You know, and very well. Yes. And so, you know, but I did have to dig deeper. I did have to talk with someone professionally. Mm-hmm. And so, or get a coach, like a coach would be perfect for like a corporate team that's struggling. Yes. And I I see a coach every week. You know, I I and I have. And and it's so important to me to continue to do my deeper work to be able to show up well for my clients. I don't ask them to do what I'm not willing to do. Well, and we need support, Pam. We're social creatures. We need support. Oh my gosh, we need community. We need to connect. We're we're designed for connection. We are. You know, and if we don't, that's when we get lost. I agree. And this this culture, another thing about this culture is it it fosters, it breeds disconnection. And um and it's harder and harder, I think, for people to connect well and deeply. Social media uh has, I think, done, you know, it's it's wonderful in many ways, but it's done so much harm in terms of disconnecting us from ourselves and each other and the world. Well, and just the reality of things and it knowing that life's hard, not nothing is perfect like what you see on social media. That's right. That's right. It's not really like that. And so sometimes you just have to come. If we were in a a group uh session at our church, and they ask a question, they challenged us as a group to uh give one word on what we thought love was. You can only use one word to describe what you thought love was. And my word was acceptance. I feel strongly that we are who we are for a reason, and you know, we can definitely if we accept that in ourselves and other people, well, you know, it's a much happier world, a lot kinder world. Yes, yes. But that's not our world right now. No, it's not. But if we can show up in that way and if we can come to ourselves with that kind of acceptance and love, um, I think that's where it starts. If I can't accept myself, I'm I'm going to be unable to accept those around me. So if I can the more I can accept myself, the more I can accept you, the more I can accept others. Uh, and then we don't have to have all of this polarization. Well, you are very inspiring because I meet very few people who just have this natural desire to make a difference, right? To help others. It is a rare, it's a rare jewel in this world. So I do love that about you because but I have to ask, what changed for you? I mean, does that does it help you? Because I know it helps me when I help people. You know, so what changed for you when you began helping people move out of that that mode, that override mode? I feel like I've kind of been doing that long before I recognized what I recognize. I always wanted to help on some level. Um, but um, I don't know what changed for me wanting to help other people. That's a very good question. Well, and I know it it it's hard for people like you and I because we're just naturally we naturally move towards helping people feel better about themselves. And, you know, you very very rarely do you meet people that can be selfless and think of others first, and not for any other reason except to make a difference. Well, I I I did have something come to mind as you were talking. Um, it started with me helping others in my childhood when I was trying to take care of my very dysfunctional family. And that was not good because I was a child and I needed to be helped. So actually, uh I think the shift for me was beginning to put in place some boundaries and and and taking care of myself first. And that, oh, the work I had to do for that to not um overextend myself took a long time. And I kind of swung to the opposite direction for a while, whereas I'm not gonna take care of anybody. And um, learning that there's a way to take care, to not to take care of people, but to support people. I think that's the difference. I'm not here to take care of my clients or anybody. I'm here to support, to offer support, because I believe with all my heart you have everything you need to take care of yourself. I'm just here to shine lights and help you see how to do that. And so once I've learned that I can show up for people and and support people without having to carry them, what a relief that is. And then I get to show up uh um more powerfully because I'm not, you know, like that that back to that 80 81%. It's like if I'm taking good care of myself, then I can actually show up for you in a healthy way. And also, it's more empowering when I believe that I shouldn't carry you, that you can carry yourself. It's more empowering to you. If I come in saying I've got to come in and save you, that's disempowering to you. That that gives a a message that you are incapable of t of saving yourself. Oh my gosh. I just wrote a story, I write short stories, and I just wrote a story called Help Hurts. And it's growing up the way I did, very poor, people would hand us money or food, but they did not give us our dignity. You know, and that's all we craved was just for someone to take a little time to help us figure out what was wrong broken, how we could turn this situation around. But it's very easy to hand someone money on the corner there holding the sign. Yes, yes, yes. But so anyway, it's all about helpers that to the golden Buddha you needed, and we all need for people to sit across from us who can see beneath the mud to the golden Buddha, to your true essence and that dignity, that respect, no matter what the mud is showing. Um, there's something beneath that. And that's how I always strive to hold my clients with that kind of dignity and seeing, no matter what they come in with, seeing their true self, their true nature beneath all of the mud and gunk, whatever that may be. And remind them that they do they are a golden Buddha. You know, a lot of times we forget that we have value. And I do think that's uh a big wall as well, that we don't believe that of ourselves, that we can be a good leader. Yes. You know, we've convinced ourselves that we don't deserve that position. And so then that can get in the way of good leadership as well. Do you agree with that? I do agree, and I I think what I see so often with people is instead of removing that mud and knowing that they can and that the golden Buddha is there, they put on beautiful trappings over the mud. They, they, you know, they put on all the masks and all the beauty, but the mud is right there underneath it, and they don't even know that the golden Buddha is underneath that, and that is even more beautiful than any mask they could they could put on their mud and gunk. A lot of any res any any listeners that you know send in questions to me, or maybe they just don't understand something we discussed, they always, always ask me, um, so what do I do now with this information, Pam? What do I you know, so if you could give one small shift that someone could make today to begin reconnecting their internal signals, what what would you recommend they do?

Reconnect Through Nature And Body

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Well, um for me, uh nature is a huge place of connection for me. And I have a an extraordinarily busy, busy, busy, busy, busy mind. A crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy mind, a judging, analyzing, you know, whatever. You're creative. Oh, gosh. Well, I think we all are on some level, but my crazy mind, and um, I'm always trying to figure things out. And when I go to the woods, uh, I do, I I spend a lot of time lying down in the woods and just on the ground for minutes or hours, depending on the day. And and and sometimes I even say, I give my burdens to you, earth, and I just feel that earth underneath me. I think we are so disconnected from our bodies. I think the first place to start is that pause that you talk about. Yes. And um, anchoring our bodies to the earth and and feeling our bodies and getting back in touch with our bodies. And that can happen in simple ways through the breath, through journaling. I know you love to journal. Um, I love to journal through um standing on the earth and and actually feeling the earth as opposed to just thinking about the earth. So many people go into the woods or on hikes with earbuds in their ears and listening to something. Um, go listen to the tree swaying in the wind and feel um that through your body. I think the body is where so much of our intelligence, so much of our intelligence is, and that we've got to start can reconnecting with it. And I think many, many of us are disconnected from our bodies, and many of us because of a culture that we're in that that that that prior prioritizes our rational brain, um, which is really not very good at a lot of things. It's good at many things, but um not in terms of making us happy and fulfilled. And so learning to pay, and then trauma, childhood trauma can cut us off from our bodies because we don't want to be in our bodies that have been traumatized. So that's why we overeat or why we uh are so disconnected from our bodies. And so learning to safely come back into our bodies, and I think that's the trick, is we don't know how to safely come back in our bodies. I find nature a safe place for me to come back into my body. Wow. I love that because I don't think enough of us do pay attention to our surroundings. You know, I it's like climbing this horrible steep hill or mountain, and you're trying your best to get to the top. And when you get there, if you don't look around and you don't reconnect with yourself, when you get to the top, you're gonna feel like this is it. Right. You're not gonna feel the fulfillment. Yeah, and I see that pattern in my high performers too, because they get to the top and then they don't even take it in. They are just on to the next, okay, what's the next, what's the next? And so they never get a felt sense of accomplishment. And and I think that's why so many people just keep like they keep grinding for more and more and more and more, and it's never, ever, ever enough. They never take in that summit that they've climbed. And yes, to your point, pause and and take a moment and take it in, really take it into your bones. The bad and the good, you know, it's okay to to to look at at mistakes, failures. I mean, I taught both of my children that's how we learn is by failing. Yes, absolutely. Yes. And so I just it's life is just this one big educational process. So even when the bad, that's why I I I think that I recovered from my childhood is because I used that pain for purpose, for fuel. You know, an example of the movies where they shoot a scene and then and then there's a mistake, a mistake, and so they shoot it again, and then there's a mistake, and they shoot it again, and there's a mistake, and they shoot it again, and they get it. And they're not sitting there going, Oh my god, there was a mistake. Oh, horrible, there was a mistake. And I think that's the way it is with us. There's no, these are mistakes. These are mistakes. I'm gonna do it again. That's how I learn to get it right, to your point. Exactly.

Achievement Without Identity Traps

SPEAKER_00 40:13

So, what do you think um a healthier relationship with achievement looks like? I think um that's a very good you ask great questions, by the way. I think that um, you know, I think that one of the the issues I see with my clients is they identify themselves with their businesses. They think they are their business. And so, and a lot of my clients are entrepreneurs and in the entrepreneurial r uh world, it's like a it's like a roller coaster ride. And so when it's up, they feel good. When it's down, they feel bad. And so I think a healthier um relationship with achievement is recognizing first and foremost that you're not your business and that your business tells you absolutely nothing about who you are. It it has nothing to do with your golden Buddha nature. And um, when someone can really grok that, it it changes things for them. And um, and so I think that's the first thing. And secondly, I think it's like you're playing a really high-stakes game. But it's a game. It's a game. And so enjoy it. Enjoy the game, but it's just a game. And winning and losing uh is just a part of the game. And I think when people can do that and they're not always on hyper alert and always on guard, then they can bring their more resilient, resourceful self to the game, uh and and um and achievement comes from a different place within them now. Right, because if you think about it, you're we're literally just a vessel for our true selves to sh to do. So the business, no, the business is not who I am, you know, but it is it allows me to be a vessel. And so I don't know, that visual tends to help me a little bit, just being a vessel to, you know, shining a light somewhere. I think another another thing that helps me is is um the when I think about the antelope on the savannah, who is relaxed and grazing and going about its day, relaxed and aware, going about its day, it knows the lions and tigers are in the bush, but it so trusts its system to do what it needs to do when that lion or tiger jumps out, that it's able to to go about its day with ease. And then when the tiger jumps out, everything floods the system of the antelope and the chase is on. And I think what what's remarkable to me is that if the lion goes back into the bush and the chase is off, the antelope is back to grazing again within minutes. And it knows those tigers are in the bush. And what it doesn't do that we do is it doesn't go into its mind into some stressful story about, oh my God, when is that tiger gonna jump back out? And when is it gonna be my last day? And what am I gonna have to do and what can I put in place around me? No, excuse me, it trusts itself so much to do what's needed in the moment that it can be relaxed and aware and go about its day. And I think that that we are so caught up in, you know, where's the next sale gonna come in and and how am I gonna show up on my influencer channel and and how are people gonna perceive me? And where is this shoe gonna drop next? And we get so caught up in this that we deplete our resourcefulness and our resilience when if we can just relax and trust our golden Buddha nature or whatever you want to call it, our essential self, or whatever you want to call it, and trust that we are built to survive or created to survive and thrive. And we can trust our system, especially as we begin to take off all this mud and gunk, then we have more to bring to uh whatever we're creating in life. And I think that's the difference in achievement. Amazing. Amazing. I can see why you do what you do. I feel better already. Thank you, Pam. But so let me talk a little

Tools Versus Deeper Healing Work

SPEAKER_00 44:44

bit about our culture now. You know, we we we hinted at it earlier that it's it's not c you know, our society is is in trouble. And I think it's like you said, because of social media and nobody is living living in reality or connecting with with nature or with each other. But I think a lot of times we rely on these tools, right? It could be a tool for uh losing weight, or it could be a tool for controlling any any aspect in your life that you're struggling with. But we rely on the tool. We don't rely on the the foundation of what brought us to that place in in the first place. And so do you think that culture is capable of um defining success and within ourselves instead of relying on these tools to be our success? Like the job. The job is literally a tool for survival, don't you think? Yeah, I I I do think it's possible because I'm doing it, you seem to be doing it. Um and so it is possible, but I don't think it's the norm. And um and again, I I I want to say again and again, the tools are important and and necessary, but if I it's sort of like when I think about um conventional Western medicine, conventional Western medicine is super good at stitching you up and and and putting casts on broken bones and things like that, acute kinds of things, but autoimmune diseases and things like that, they really don't have much of a clue, and so they throw medicine at it. If you're not dealing with with what's underneath the symptoms, then throwing a tool at it is not going to get at it. It might help the symptom feel better for a moment or for a little while, but ultimately it's not going to take care of it. So if someone is using, faithfully using these tools and they're not getting the relief that they think they should, like over the long haul, sustainably, then that may be a signal to them that there's something deeper that needs to be addressed. And the problem with our society is our culture is that we want it now. And the deeper work takes a minute. You know, it's sort of like going to McDonald's versus cooking a home home meal. Um, I I do the cook cook my work with with my clients is cooking the home meal and um and not going to McDonald's and doing that underlying survival patterns that are really running you often unconsciously. Um, but I promise it's worth going in there and doing that work. I I am here to tell you, uh, I am here to tell you that it's worth the work because I've seen it change my life personally and many of my clients who are willing to do it. So it's I was gonna ask you about that. I was gonna ask you, you know, how how is that for you when you see them completely transform after they stop operating in this override mode? I mean, isn't that just amazing? Oh, it's so amazing. And you know it because you do the work too. You're you're always helping people, but yes, it there's nothing, there's nothing better. I mean, there is nothing better than to see people um resolve long-standing patterns and to feel better and get relief, you know. And and even I I I'm not saying that you resolve things and then life is hunky-dory and never appropriate. Of course not. Life is hard. You know, life is hard. But when we can unravel those, um, those those deeper patterns, um, then we can bring more of ourselves to whatever we're facing and and navigate it more easily. Well, that's perfect. I was gonna say before we close, I was just gonna ask if someone listening right now feels

Quiet Depletion And Collective Stress

SPEAKER_00 48:49

like they've been quietly carrying pressure for a long time. You know, what would you want them to hear today? But man, I think you've just covered it. But if there's any more, we'll we'll gladly take it. I would just say you're not alone. You're not alone. And we're all dealing with this, and you come by it innocently by all the gunk that was put on you throughout your life, by your family, by this culture, um, by belief systems that aren't helpful, or that were helpful at one point, or that did help. The mud did help you survive, but now it's interfering. And um, that's what I want you to know is it's possible to remove that mud and to really shine from your true Buddha self or or essential self or unbroken self and and live from that place and face the world from that place. And it's hard being in this human body, Pam. It's hard. This life is hard, and and our culture, I mean, what's going on in the world is crazy right now. And the collective stress, I think that's the other thing I like to point out is it's not just me. It's not just us. It's not like this personal failing or personal fault. The the collective stress right now is pretty profound. And I like to name it because I think it is having an impact on us, and it's not just me and my little stuff or big stuff. It's uh it's collective stress that's compounding the stress and the overwhelm that we feel. Well, I'm talking a lot about quiet depletion. That's you just described it in a nutshell. Yes, yes, yes. We're quietly depleting ourselves and and it can affect your health as well, not just mental. Yes. I've seen that with some of my clients. Yes, we have to, we really have to address it.

Where To Find Carla And Closing

SPEAKER_00 50:38

So I just well, can you tell our listeners how to find you? Where where is your work? How can we find you? Mostly find me on, I'm not really on the socials. Uh I do show up at LinkedIn because I know I need to. I'm not a big social girl. Um, but you can find me at LinkedIn. Uh I do post some, I'm not super active, but Carla Royal at LinkedIn. And then my website is Carlaroyal.com, Carla with a C and Royal with no E. A lot of people want to put an E on it for some reason, but it's Carlaroyal.com, and you can find that work. And if anything has resonated with anybody here and would like to learn more, I always uh offer a call free of charge just to explore things, discover one another. Yes, exactly. Well, and don't worry, guys, I listeners, I have I'm gonna put all of that in the show notes so that you can quickly find her because I think she would be an amazing resource for you to to just find your light, find your Buddha. Your golden Buddha. Yes. So appreciate your work, Pam, in the world and helping people in the way that you do. I've listened to several of your podcasts and some of your story, and I love that that what you've come from and and the light that you are in the world. So thank you. We need all of us. Oh, yes. I thank you, Carla, so much. That helps me. It it gives me fuel, literally. Yes. That someone is noticing. So what I love about this conversation is the reminder that strength doesn't always come from pushing harder. Sometimes strength comes from pausing long enough to listen to what your life is trying to tell you. So as as Carla said, if this conversation resonated with you, take a moment to subscribe to this podcast and share this episode with someone, please, that needs it. Those simple actions help this message reach people who who may be struggling quietly and just appearing perfectly fine on the outside.

unknown 52:45

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 52:45

And before we wrap up, a quick note for anyone listening who hosts a pu a podcast or wants to or is thinking about it. Many hosts love the conversations, but the editing, publishing, clips, and distribution can quickly become overwhelming. So behind the scenes, I help podcasters grow their shows by handling those technical pieces so you can focus on conversations that matter. And it helps me support my podcast. So if you're interested or know someone that needs help with a podcast, tell them to go to TPKKconcepts.com and and we'll schedule a short little discovery call. I'd love to bring your voice to the world. Until next time, remember, sometimes the most powerful change happens in a single pause, one delay at a time. See you next week.